More Than A Memory
by korrc1
Summary: It had been two years...A oneshot of one turtle's feelings after the loss of a loved one. Garth Brooks songfic


It had been 2 years, but it still haunted him to the bone. He remembered all of it so well, which was not all that surprising. He relived the fire, the chaos every night. It was one nightmare he could not escape.

_People say she's only in my head  
It's gonna take time but I'll forget  
_

Every day that passed was more painful for him. His brothers had pushed that memory away, and they tried to get him to do the same. They said he needed to live again. They had all moved on with their lives, but he was stuck in slow motion. He couldn't, wouldn't forget about her. It was not an option.

_They say I need to get on with my life  
They don't realize  
_

He knew they were worried about him. It was written on their faces as he locked himself in the dojo, doing extra practice to avoid confronting his emotions. It was in the glances that his father gave him while he struggled to eat anything. All of his brothers had tried to talk to him about her, but it was impossible. They talked about her like she was dead. That their friend was just a memory. But he knew that she was more, so much more..._  
_

_It's when you're dialing 6 numbers just to hang up the phone  
Driving 'cross town just to see if she's home  
Waking a friend in the dead of the night  
just to hear him say it's gonna be alright   
When you're finding things to do not to fall asleep  
'Cause you know she'll be there in your dreams  
that's when she's more than a memory  
_

His attention on nightly patrols were slipping. He stopped focusing on the bad guys, only paying attention when one of his brothers asked him a question. He couldn't help himself. Every alley whispered her name, every roof held her passion. He remembered the patrols they had taken together. She could always make him feel like something important was going to happen, even on the emptiest nights. There was one key change to him, though. Any time that the brothers found a group of Purple Dragons, he fought with undeniable, uncontrollable rage. He blamed Hun for her death as much as he blamed himself.

_  
Took a match to everything she ever wrote  
watched her words go up in smoke  
_

He couldn't even look at a candle flame anymore. Every spurt of fire, every whisper of heat made him shiver worse than the winter nights they protected from. For it had been the flame that had killed her, burned her alive. He hadn't been able to save her until it was too late.

He had held her in his arms for the last few precious seconds that she had been alive. She had whispered to him to not be afraid, that it was time. Then, with her last breath, she told him that she loved him forever. His brothers had found him there, standing in the ruins of her apartment as the fire crackled around him and he cried.

_tore all her pictures off the wall  
that ain't helping me at all  
_

They had buried her in Central Park that Thursday; it had almost seemed appropriate. David, her partner and best friend, had called all of the people that he felt needed to know and that she would want there. So many people had showed up that he had been stunned at first, then wary. His smart brother, working with David, had perfected their holograms by then. The entire family showed up to watch one of their own be placed in the ground forever. He had felt so sick at that moment that he almost wanted to leave. He hadn't wanted to see her dead in that coffin; she had already haunted his dreams for so long.

_  
'Cause when you're talking out loud and nobody's there  
you look like hell and you just don't care  
you're drinking more than you ever drank  
and sinking down lower than you ever sank  
When you find yourself falling down upon your knees  
praying to God, begging him "please"  
that's when she's more than a memory  
_

Soon after, he started drinking alcohol every once in a while. He almost liked it because it kept the memories at bay. But once he fell asleep, his mind was open and vulnerable. He grieved through violence, a move only used by the hothead brother of the family. Everyone was surprised at first, and almost scared by this other side of him. His brothers had started talking to him, or trying at any rate. He couldn't do it.

It had been an argument with that same hothead brother where things had gotten out of hand. Raph had screamed at him to notice how much the family was feeling his pain, and why he couldn't just let her go. He had stared at Raph, and then quietly whispered, "Because she's more than that. She's more than a memory." Without another word, he rushed to the surface, ignoring his brother's shouts behind him. He knew where he was going.

_  
'Cause when you're dialing her number just to hang up the phone  
Driving 'cross town just to see if she's home Waking a friend in the dead of the night  
just to hear him say it's gonna be alright  
When you're finding things to do not fall asleep  
'Cause you know she's waiting in your dreams  
that's when she's more than a memory _

His feet carried him across the bridge and out of the city. It was a familiar path, one he had traveled before. He crossed the river, soon arriving in Essex County, New Jersey. He could feel her spirit as he got closer to the site.

He looked out at the ruins that had been her apartment not so long ago. He felt the gentle rain fall around him, and he succumbed to the need to cry. He could feel her, surrounding him as his tears mingled with sweat on his mask. It was at that moment that he understood. It was time to take the baby steps forward back to his life. And while he would never be the same, his family would understand. She was and would forever be more than a memory to him.__

People say she's only in my head  
It's gonna take time but I'll forget ...  



End file.
